I miss being married sometimes. Not to my ex, mind you – that ship sailed and sunk a long time ago, but I just miss the married life in general. I miss having an intact family unit. I miss being part of a “we.” I could give you dozens of reasons why that is, but here are a few of the things I miss most about being a married woman:
- Sleeping next to someone at night. That was one of the
hardest things to get used to. I miss rolling over and having a warm body next
to me. When the kids are gone, being a woman alone in a creaking house can be
nerve-jarring. It’d be nice to have somebody next to me that I could elbow and
say “Did you hear that?”
- Cooking. I mean really cooking. My kids are very picky
eaters with a somewhat limited repertoire of acceptable meals, and I’m not
going to make my incredible eggplant parmesan or an entire caramel apple cheesecake
for just me.
- Having a “go-to” person. Did the car just break
down on a deserted road? Am I getting the same flu that the kids have? Can I
not get that jar open? Tough. I’m on my own, and it sucks sometimes. It really
- Having cuddles at my beck and call. I am a cuddler. I love
to hug, to lean against, to hold hands, to wrap around and hold and stroke….and
now, other than hugging the stuffing out of my kids, I don’t get that. It’s a
well-known fact that hugging
raises your level of oxytocin, the “feel good” hormone, and I
seriously feel that lack.
- Sharing a look of pride over the head of a child. We used to do that on a regular basis. Now it only happens on the rare occasion that we’re both at a school function or something. It’s so nice to feel like we’re a team when it comes to the kids, and I don’t get to actively feel that way as often anymore.
- Having a parental backup on-site. Do I need a second voice of authority to
agree with me in the face of a screaming thirteen year-old? Do I desperately
need a break on a bad autism day? Oh, you bet I do. It’s not going to happen,
- Telling somebody about my day. I don’t need to talk about
work every day (lucky for me, work is usually not a problem) but every once in
a while, it would be nice to have someone ask how my day went. In fact, adult
conversation at home in any form is something I keenly miss.
- Book and movie discussions. Discussing books we’d read or movies we saw with each other was envigorating and interesting. Now I do that on internet boards and Facebook, but it’s not quite the same.
- Regular sex. There, I said it. Anna, if you’re reading this,
pretend I’m someone else’s mother.
- Inside jokes. The ex and I were together for decades – you’d
better believe we’d amassed an enormous amount of inside jokes. Some of them
were so ingrained, we could communicate them with a look. That kind of stuff
makes couple-hood fun.