The team at Valenti Matchmaking always views the process of finding the right match as an opportunity for growth. Sometimes the journey towards love can be the catalyst for significant life changes! But it is very easy to lose sight of what can be gained in the present when one only focuses on the end goal. This article by Tony Logan is an exploration about the value that can be gained by being mindful in any pursuit, but we have found his insights useful for our clients as they search for the perfect partner.
In the driven and ambitious society that we live in, everything we do seems to be measured by the instant results. No longer, are the days when we were taught to work hard, stay consistent and be patient, to reach some level of success now it seems those principles are slowly becoming obsolete. But I’m here to shed light on the importance of falling in love with the process and not just the results. It’s a lesson that might come off absurd at first, but I challenge you to give this idea a listen and apply it your routine to see what results you get.
01 | The Process Will Help Refocus Your Energy
Most of the time when we have a big obstacle in our direction, after we weigh the challenges of overcoming the goal, we soon after fantasize about the results. For a brief second, we imagine what’s it going to feel like once we defeat the hardship and how the moment is going to look down to the smallest detail.
So focusing and redirecting your energy to focus solely on the process is important because the better you become in the process, the more you will enjoy the journey and the results. Have you ever played a sport for the first time and you were terrible in the beginning? I know I have. But once you forget about the score, who’s winning, and shift your focus on the process to become better, you actually start to enjoy it more. Sooner or later it doesn’t matter who’s winning because you’re learning the process and getting better results. If you put all your energy and focus just on the final results while ignoring the process, you will never walk away fulfilled because your happiness will only be based on the results and not the process. Practicing the process is not always glamorous, exciting or thrilling, but it will get you to where to want to be if you learn to embrace it.
02 | The Process Makes You Pay Attention
Have you ever heard the saying “You get out of life what you put into it?” It’s such a simple statement that because it’s so simple, we often make it complicated. If what you put into life is what you make it, why are we focused more on what we’re not getting then what we’re not putting in? It’s because we’re more driven by the result. So when we try to fast forward the procedure without concentrating on the process, we’re not aware of why we get certain results. This, in return, plays a vital toll on our emotions because we based our results with our self-worth, which shouldn’t be the case. Once we take a moment to look over the results we’re getting and backtrack on what led us to these results only then will we discover the real issue at hand.
The powerful thing about a process is it creates predictability. Every time you do steps 1, 2, and 3 you should get this result. This is nothing new to us, but so often we forget. If you study 30 minutes every night, the week before an exam and you find yourself acing every test that means you discovered a process that works for you. So understanding why we get the results we get is just as important as the results itself. Nothing is more baffling and stressful when we can’t understand why something works or doesn’t work.
03 | The Process Makes You Appreciate The Results
Nothing makes you appreciate anything more than working and earning it, no matter how much we try to believe otherwise. When we complete the cycle of setting a goal, working towards it and completing it, it gives us a feeling of validation that we can only get by making the effort. Now imagine getting anything you wanted without having to lift a finger or without applying any effort and how unappreciative that would make us feel. I’m sure we can think of one person who had a privileged life and always got what he/she wanted and from the outside looking in it seems like they had it made.
Without knowing how to handle failure or setbacks, we will never appreciate success when it presents itself. Failures forces us to pay attention and lets us know we are getting closer to success, but more importantly, it allows us to be mindful and appreciative of the process at the end. The trials and tribulations that you will encounter on your journey through the process will not take away from your story, in fact, it will significantly add meaning and purpose to it.
Everything that we set out to do should produce some result and results are important because it provides information to help measure against. The thought of practice doesn’t always seem as glamorous as the game day when there’s nobody in the stands cheering you on, jumping up and down while holding up signs as you shoot that foul shot. But, appreciating the endless hours of practice while ultimately creating a process will even make those moments worth it and exciting. Who said you only have to choose one? Enjoy both the process and the results and learn from both.
What do you think? We welcome your thoughts and questions about this topic. Please feel free to send us any questions about this or any matchmaking topic! Our company founder Irene Valenti will personally address your questions!